"I have slowly learned to find my own toolbox"

My meeting with Annelie Block, yoga and meditation

To live is not always easy and I have often felt hurt and wounded in life, both by others and myself. It's about: a tangled childhood with complex relationships with parents, two wrecked marriages, an eternal feeling of not being enough, not good enough as it is and to compensate for a fragile sense of self with an intense career, money and the wrong partners. Over the past three years I have lost two of my best friends in cancer and my mother struggling desperately against the same disease.

My suitcase has a number of years been too weighed down by grief, guilt and inadequacy. I have often had the feeling of powerlessness over my own life. I have tried everything from counseling to happy pills. I have read tons of books on stress management and implementation. I´ve had thoughts about different philosophies of life, for even as a little girl I had a strong feeling that there is an inherent power in all people you just have to find it.
As someone wise said:
"The only thing we can be absolutely certain about in life is that we are born and we die."
With the sentence in mind, I decided to simply run away and "just" taking care about myself and my son for a while. We went to the lovely island Koh Lanta / Thailand for two months. My son went to the Swedish school; he developed enormously in his schoolwork, met lots of new friends and "refueled" self-confidence and sun all day long. Not to mention the fortune that his mother had time, was there, looked and listened.

It did not take long until I by chance was introduced to Annelie Block and her yoga & meditation classes. My first feeling was that it sounded a bit too "fuzzy" for me to be able to achieve an inner calm, to me bent over backwards and sit with legs crossed and eyes closed. It also felt that it was actually working out I wanted to, getting tired, sweaty and get muscular. I signed up after all to try yoga.
The first lesson was a real eye-opener! Before me stands a woman (Annelie) of my own age and share her life experiences, which contained much everything I felt. She laughed with a contagious smile and had a tangible peace and says that ALL have the tools, you just have to find them. I was also very moved by Annelies slender but muscular body and her proud stance; I thought "what the hell, what is your excuse now?"

The first lesson was easy and difficult at the same time. It was easy since we started quickly with movements and especially when you know "yoga we do for our self, with our self. Difficult because you have to focus solely on your self, the breathing and posture and not focus on what your nearest neighbor is doing. Difficult also because you feel like a "safe" when you bend forward and can not touch the floor, just reaching under the knees. It's hard work!
Both I and my friends (even young boys and grown men) were exhausted and the day after every muscle in my body cried. The weeks passed and slowly but surely I felt like I can BREATHE! I feel more alert; I can concentrate and have better control over my thoughts, and can even stop them. All of a sudden the whole body starts to tighten up, your stomach is more flat and the arms start to get lean.
So one day it happens! Without thinking, I make all the movements in a fluid pace, and suddenly I'm down with my palms on the floor, I do not get it! Magic! Annelie says, laughing.
It was a long time since I felt so happy with myself and the best part is that I managed to do something that I thought was completely impossible.
I then proceeded with an introductory course in meditation. After yoga, it was not so hard to get into the "meditation mood", to practically do it is another thing.

Once again we were training relaxation and concentration. But also great insight into what our feelings and thoughts do to us and the importance of getting "quiet in my head" and living in the moment. What was most noticeable when I started to learn to meditate was that I got a good night's sleep and that the tears that sometimes came during sessions eased my mind and gave space to other things. Nice as hell!

In conclusion, I have slowly learned to find my own toolbox. I know when I will use a screwdriver or hammer. That knowledge gives me security, inner peace and a whole new perspective on life.
Annelie! I want to thank you for being one incredibly gifted instructor but also a great motivator. I particularly want to thank you for living the way you teach. I wish everyone could be part of this and learn it!
Warm Regards
Charlotte Ek
Koh Lanta Dec-Feb-07