"Yoga and the great energies on Koh Lanta, the wonderful people and great food has made my life taken a new turn"

"My name is Emma and I have an eating disorder!" A short story about how life could be more fun and less anxiety, a magical meeting on Koh Lanta.
It was my curiosity about an Eastern form of meditation and yoga that drew me to Annelie and The Retreat. But as soon as I landed, met with Annelie and began my work, I realized that this trip would be more about losing control and dealing with my anxiety. I had to start a serious work with myself and that the hub of the work actually was my eating disorder.
There are a variety of eating disorders. There are those who are starving themselves, the ones wolfing down food in periods and then vomit it up and then there are those who feel anxiety over food and maximizing their workout to burn as much calories as possible. I myself have been diagnosed as NOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) and have been living with this grief and anxiety since I was 22 years old. For me it has meant total control of food intake and exercise, many hours of anxiety and planning on what I should eat and what I would train. Anxiety over the food I ate yesterday, last week or anxiety about food I had in front of me. I have been in a variety of therapies such as psychotherapy and CBT to name examples. But it is only since I came to The Retreat and the amazing, magical Annelie that I realized that I will always have an eating disorder and that I have to learn to live with it, not ignore it or try to pretend that it does not exist. It was only through Annelie that I received concrete ways to handle this making me able to live with less anxiety and more joy.
Annelie made me realize that what is behind is behind, history remains history. What is important is what is happening now, today, at this moment. How I beat my eating disorder, how I got my anxiety is not really the important thing. The key is how to handle it now, in my life right now. Annelie made me realize that my eating disorder is an illness that I will have with me the rest of my life. You know how alcoholics may stand up during a session and say "My name is XX and I am an alcoholic." It's the same for us with eating disorders."My name is Emma and I have an eating disorder." The only difference is that we must eat to survive; alcoholics should never ever touch alcohol, never.
How do you do it? One must learn to accept that you have an eating disorder, the food and lack of exercise gives anxiety and that one can learn to live with this the best possible way and with as little distress as possible. It is possible, I promise! I know of one example that I get anxious if I eat foods high in fat and carbohydrates. I know I get anxious if I do not train a certain number of days a week. CBT therapy teaches us to go against what generates anxiety, that is. eat the fatty food and stop exercising. Now I joke a bit, but something like. Annelies tools are completely different. These tools open the way to give yourself an account role of your life, stop caring about what others say and listen to what creates peace in you.
I know that I feel best when I get to enjoy delicious, nutritious food with good fats, complex carbs and the right amount of protein. I feel best when I get to enjoy snacks such as apple, banana, yogurt and nuts, yummy! So, I look to eat the food as often as I can. I plan and create my day and it frees up space for happiness without anxiety. I have control.
But, if I get the urge to eat something a bit unhealthy, or I'll end in a situation one morning and know that I can not influence what is served. What do I do? Well, when Annelie taught me something very clever. It's called Mental Note: ie. You say to yourself. - Tonight I will go away. Then I will eat a little bit different than what I usually do. It's OK. I will not gain weight for it and I will not have to work out an extra spinning either. What have I done now? Well, I've been controlling my "mind", because it´s not always so nice to us. I have told it that it is completely unnecessary to even try to give me anxiety, either now or later.
We must learn to control "the mind" and this is gained through meditation and yoga are. The more you meditate, the more you get to know yourself in depth. You learn to breathe out your anxiety, your experiences, your memories that plague you and you receive peace in your mind. Through yoga you get to know your body, your body is your temple and you have to nurture it. Always! Yoga gives you balance, it is really the only form of exercise you need.

With the help of Annelie and your own efforts it is possible to learn to love food, love it there lying on the plate, love your body and what you put into it. For you know that you put in the food that is made of love and through that process, there is no anxiety. You know you are training the right amount for you have learned through meditation and yoga that overtraining provides less energy. It all becomes a cathartic process where you stand in the center of your decisions about your body, your mind and eventually your soul. Welcome to your new life!
Sessions with Annelie, meditation in the temple and with Annelie, yoga and the great energies on Koh Lanta, the wonderful people and great food has made my life taken a new turn.
Emma, aged 32
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